Hello God, It’s me Kari.
The search for the unknown often begins when you don’t even know that you’re searching. For me it was as a child, in an enormous sanctuary , with 30 foot tall windows that covered the length of two full walls. There was definitely something magical about that space. I know that they were there…floating, high above, close to the ceiling. I have no detailed explanation of what they looked like or even how many were there. I don’t know if anyone else even knew they were there, but I imagine most of the congregation was too focused on the preacher and his weekly inspirational sermon. Connecting with them was like peace…light and free and the purest emotion of love one could imagine. It was all the praying that brought them. Their desire was to connect with the lost souls that dutifully came ever Sunday in search of some comfort from their earthly woes. I wonder what would have happened if we had all just been silent and allowed them to speak. Would it have been like “talking to angles”. I sat there filled with a calm, not knowing why or what was happening. It was just another Sunday, but it was the most peace I ever found in a sanctuary of God.
As the years past, I was consumed by the hypocrisy of religion and those that worshipped beside me. How could they claim to be servants of God and whisper such horrible things about their neighbors. Everyone so eager to throw the first stone. As connected as I had felt with the spirits in the sanctuary, I was equally disconnected with the real life people that surrounded me. And then there was the idea of every other religion being wrong and mine being right. Fear and ego seemed to dominate the scene.
I needed more than faith to sort this out, so I set forth on my own exploration of what religion meant to me. For years I searched for someone else with the answer. What I finally realized is that what I had found as a young girl, WAS the answer. I had known the truth all along, but didn’t trust in my own knowing. The reason that I always felt a direct connection to God was because I was God and He was me and even more so we are all ONE no matter what name we put on it.
So my struggle at this point is how to express this truth so others may understand that it’s okay if they don’t share this belief with me. I must believe that we will all find our own way to where we need to be. And I pray we can simply share some love for one another along the way.