As I take a deep breath in, I reflect on the past few months. The decision was made to put “the house” on the market THIS FALL. And although we thought it better to wait until next spring, our voices have gone the way of our ideas…unheard or disregarded. So we proceeded to face this daunting task with absolutely no motivation.
We found a house to rent starting August 1st, thankful to have a whole month to get moved and everything cleaned up before Sept 1, which was the date we were given to be out of the house. I can’t stress how COMPLETELY drained Chris and I where at this point. The end was in sight, but it did NOT look pretty. It wasn’t long before we were bombarded with new dates and lists of the who, what, when and of course how much. Know you might think that moving our “need to be out” date up to Aug 15th, would be something that was discussed, but once again what we thought did not matter. The cherry on top was when August 1 came around and the REALTOR called to inform me that herself, a handful of contractors as well as my in-laws where going to be at my house THAT AFTERNOON! What?! Am I the only one that thinks that maybe THE DAY we are trying to move out of a house is not the day people should be meeting at the house to LOOK AT IT! It just seems inappropriate to me. In my mind, I should have gotten a call from my in-laws saying, “Hey, can we take the boys to help you get moved?”, but that didn’t happen. And just for the record I had asked if they could take the boys for a little while to help us move, but they were unable to do that. This was unlike anything I have ever experienced. We were not even given the opportunity to clean up…every deadline they set, they disregarded until we finally said the hell with it…with complete control comes complete responsibility! We were set up to fail because what was expected of us was impossible. All we were left to do was play possum.
There was no communication by either side because we have no common ground. Our beliefs and values are so different that we are all right and wrong ALL at the same time. I do know for sure that in their eyes we were wrong. I must accept this so that I can move on without resentment. I do want to be clear, I’m not accepting their reality as anything, but “their reality”, how they need to see it. I am accepting that nothing we do or say will change the roles they have given us. We will become the kids that they “tried” to help…oh look at all the nice things they did for us…Chris has been called “full of shit” and belittled because he listens to “those conspiracy nut jobs” (this does not even touch on how completely disrespectful they have been regarding his professional recommendations) …and in their reality this all may be true. There comes a time when you understand that if you don’t take every last bit of a situation and digest it…well, let’s just say I did not want to revisit this one if I could help it.
I feel the need to say I love my husband and adore my two beautiful boys. I am truly blessed. Everyone is so much lighter and happier in the new house, and the last few weeks have been spent doing some “us time”. We need less commitments and more time together. We have just spent 3 years with very few (maybe a handful) of days TOGETHER, which is not enough to keep a family healthy. No family time was compounded by us always being on the losing side of every decision. For the first time in my life, I feel as if I have just come out of an abusive relationship. The kind that leaves bruises on the inside, where no one can see. I believe that ALL of Us have something to learn from this situation, but it has been a very painful process. There is so much to lose, but right now I must focus on the gain…our sanity, our health. We have been in battle for the last 3 years, and I am so thankful to be moving into a time of peace and harmony…(we actually moved onto Harmony Lane…no joke!)
hawthorn is for the heart
We have come here to learn, but are easily distracted by the drama we create. So this is my plan. I am taking this next year to heal and nourish. One year that we get to do what WE want to do. I let go of the fear of making the right decision. It comes from a “knowing” that if you make it yourself it is always the right decision. It may not be easy, but at least you haven’t compromised yourself.
I want this blog to be a reflection of my path. The earth has always called to me. It’s who I am…it’s who I strive to be.
Special thanks to those who have helped us find our way through this rough patch of sea!