YurtTrash

I have spent a good part of my life looking through other people’s eyes searching for answers. What’s right? What’s wrong?..I begged them to tell me. At some point I began trusting in my own eyes. This didn’t happen over night and honestly I still waiver from time to time. Yet it still infuriates me when someone says, “Well, look at it from my perspective” in an attempt to make me “see the truth”. Little do they know I just got back from “their perspective”, and well, I’m glad I don’t live there. Actually, I have no problem with their view, but should it change how I see things? In fear of disappointment, I am quite relieved I do NOT see my life and my choices through other’s eyes. My focus is often on the people in my life as opposed to the dirty dishes in the sink. Damn those dishes that keep getting themselves dirty and expecting me to wash them. I find it very easy to get distracted by the little things in life, and well, as it should be. It’s these small details that are usually the most important.

I think how terribly boring and tragic it would be if we all saw the same thing… or for that matter believed the same thing. The reason we all have our OWN eyes and don’t just share a set of cosmic eyes is so we can have different points of view. These multiple views create layers of truth. It is within these truths I now search for answers. Such a fine line between listening to other perspectives and compromising yourself. It becomes too easy to think that our unique view is somehow superior to anyone else’s. On this one point, I am sure My view is useless without YOURS!

Being arrogant…what does it say about a person? What is ego anyway? A player on a stage merely acting out the script in front of them. Can you see the inner god of a person that is arrogant? I am no better than you, and no worse. I am just trying to be conscious of my contribution, of OUR footprint upon this land. Don’t be fooled; We DO walk together.

Inspire not alienate…my mantra these days. I want to bridge the gap between the established norm and consciousness. It starts with a conversation, a question, an idea. A seed is a thought or vise versa. It takes time, attention and nature to turn a seed into a tree of consciousness. I want to arouse people to think about where their food comes from…What happens to all those plastic bags once the trash man picks them up?…Why is the United States the only country that allows Rx drug ads on television?…Are we free, and if so from what? The food doesn’t start at the store and the trash does NOT just go away. So, what are we to do?

What happens when an average American family turns green? Is it even possible to go pollution-free within a world of technology? What happens when the kids lose what they have grown attached to such as the big tv, the dvd player, mounds of toys, their own bedroom, beds, yard and the beloved easy access computers? Is more better or will they simply be excited about the adventure. What will they have instead? What will their friends say? What will the school say? Will the fact that we have kids limit our ability to go off the grid? How do you talk to your child about a move of this sort?

So, I have all these questions that I wish someone would just answer for me, but what’s the fun in that. I am certain that if it’s not this it would be that, and I pledge to keep moving even if it’s in circles. Some days it’s just like that…more questions than answers.

Have you ever had a passion that you embraced even before you knew exactly why it was so important? As is often the case with me, I find I know things before I truly understand them….Well, I am a bag lady, that is, I use cloth bags instead of single-use plastic bags. I have always been heavy on the reuse, recycle end of life, so you would think this came easily. In actuality it has taken me years of reprogramming to establish a solid habit of ALWAYS having cloth bags on hand. Well, to be perfectly honest, I STILL forget sometimes, but now I just pile my groceries into the basket or even a box if one’s available. I’ve simply learned that I can JUST SAY NO to plastic bags!

With a mind for science and math, I started college majoring in engineering, but my soul quickly pulled me toward my true passion. The result was a bachelor’s degree in Environmental Sciences from the School of Natural Resources. Looking at me today you may say well of course, but I was much more a conservative in appearance and action back then. I actually thought Reagan was a good president…yah we all make mistakes! Of course my mom would remind me, as moms should, that I was always picking up trash along the way, and producing hysterical rants whenever litter crossed my path. As I look back I realize that I was always an activist, it just took me a while to find my voice. So now that I’m a parent, I find that it’s even more important to simply do my part and BE MINDFUL. I believe that everyone must find their own motivation for change.

Let’s start with some history and facts. Single-use plastic bags were introduce in the late 1970’s. Thank god for the brilliant marketeer that sold us the idea to use disposable bags for EVERYTHING. Baahh Baahh, this grass is great! Of course not so great if you are a sea or land animal that mistakes a plastic bag for food and DIES. Now wait a minute let’s assume ALL plastic bags make it into landfills. For 1,000 year these plastic bags continue to break down, contaminating both water and soil. After soaking up any other toxins in these landfills, little bits of plastic bag can then be consumed by some unfortunate animal. Of course our convenience is more important than a stupid animal, I mean, we are man, right?. This makes me wonder…what do plastic bags cost, and of course I mean the TRUE cost? I started by doing a google search on “cost of plastic bags”, which I highly recommend because God knows I won’t find everything that’s out there. Be curious…start there. One more suggestion ALWAYS remember to ask “where is the money?”. So I started at the top…reusablebags.com. Lots of facts on consumption, which were so appalling I thought I might have to go throw up. The United States alone consumes 100 BILLION plastic shopping bags annually, which is approximately 4 MILLION dollars spent by retailers. There is between 500 BILLION and 1 TRILLION plastic bag consumed each year throughout the world. My head can’t even fathom these numbers, let alone imagine the impact we could have if we simply stopped producing these bags. Of course people would lose their jobs, and business would go out of business, but wouldn’t it be worth it. The US plastic industry says NO, and they are fighting like hell to avoid the legislation that is sweeping the globe. In 2002 Ireland started charging a tax for every plastic bag used by consumers and used the money to fund environmental clean up. Nearly immediately Ireland’s consumption went down by 90%. The result was 1 BILLION fewer bags used each year. Money motivates people!!
Here in the United States we are VERY set in our ways of disposibility. We also have VERY powerful companies that have a lot to lose if we follow the rest of the world with a plastic bag tax or the like. We are talking money. We are ALWAYS talking money.

Remember NOTHING is ever free! I hope you are wondering how this all effects the money in YOUR wallet? It does, but you have been convinced that these terribly convenient bags are FREE. Stop to think about a company giving away something for free. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN! For a long time I felt good about simply taking my used bags back to the store to be recycled, until they stopped taking them back. So I wondered why it’s so hard to recycle these single-use plastic bags. Well, it costs $4000 to recycle one ton of these plastic bags. At which point they can sell this recycled material for a whopping $32. There is absolutely no motivation for companies to recycle these bags. The making of these bags supports our dependence on oil and in this day and age that alone should require people to care. Whatever the reason that tugs at your soul, be empowered to do something. Okay, I don’t want to portray myself as a martyr. And just so we’re clear, I STILL find myself accepting a plastic bag from time to time when I’m in a hurry. Sometimes I’m out of the store and look down and curse under my breath because I didn’t even realize they had given me a plastic bag. I also am not judging you if I see you with a cart full of groceries in single-use plastic bags because I know the problem is bigger than you or me. I also know that it starts with you and me. The only answer I see is to STOP USING THEM. If we, the consumers say NO, the bags will not be made. So when someone asks “But what can I do?”, please tell them to BYOB. Bring Your Own Bag! Thank You:)

As I pack and sort, I know I’ve been here before. I wonder how many times it takes to get things right. How many times do we have to hit our heads against this brick wall before we slump to the ground and it’s finally over. It’s been one of those days in which you wonder if any of it really matters. I let go of all that surrounds me and accept that if I am meant to have any of it, it will return. My heart breaks as I watch Chris struggle to claim his self worth. How many times can we be put down coated with sweet words before we break and fight back? Motivation escapes me in this time of tremendous need. This is certainly induced by dissatisfaction with the way of the world. I want to scream, but no sound comes out. Stuck in a battle without any winners, I watch the field drenched with blood that will never be completely washed away. It will reside in the soil, a record of this fight. Still much tells me none of this matters, so I push on. I simply breathe and listen as best I can.

Today e-mails were exchanged yet I doubt anyone was really heard. Different perspectives that will never meet in the middle for there is no middle ground. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people surrounding me as I stand in front of the firing squad. Their aim is not at me, but what I stand up for. The belief that I carry is too powerful for them to accept. I forgive. We all do the very best we can with the script that lay before us.

I have started walking. I have never liked walking, which even I find an absurd character flaw. I don’t know what happened, but I found myself going out of my way to walk. Sometimes I would go alone and other times arrange to meet up with friends. I would walk in the morning, evening and sometimes both. I bought 10 lb weights for each ankle that pull me snugly towards the ground. A week of this ritual passes and the soreness subsides, leaving me with a comforting blanket of strength. It is as though I am obsessed by movement and must create as much as I can each day. Am I preparing for a great journey that will require vast energy reserves? This has all happened without much thought or struggle. I implore you to reclaim your time for it is your greatest resource for days to come.

There has been so much focus on being aware and connected. I feel that I have tapped into something I can’t even begin to explain or understand. Such power seems to surround me and I am heavily invested in creating all that can be. Today is the time I’ve been searching for. A place to explore and get excited about. The struggle is mixed in with the pleasure to add depth and understanding of the precise gifts I am to receive. This is not me, only what I have allowed to transcend and evolve. I wish only to pass on the beauty of the moment and accept the sludge I must wade through. Oh what a glorious tale.

Some days are harder that others. Chris and I sit down to talk about the logistics of moving into a yurt. We have 3 weeks to finish remodeling the house where we are currently living; we need at least 7 weeks. We need money to pay bills. Thankfully Chris has work the next few weeks and has even sold a couple propane drums. We need to pack, pitch and sort through all that we have stored in this 3 bedroom ranch. I’m terrified of the basement. We have rented a Studio for us to use as a “home base” and office through this transition period. I have great visions for this space, and have already started planning a community calendar of events. There is not enough time in the day. And above all we don’t know if we can really live in the yurt that was originally our savior. There are many problems with our plan. Many questions that need answers. From basics such as how do we wash dishes to how do we power our laptops. Are toilets really that important?

Chris needs answers and I can’t deal with problems right now. I want to focus on the possibilities not be dragged down by reality. This is not my reality!! I become defensive and question his desire to go through with our plan. Maybe he doesn’t really want to do this at all. Maybe he wants the extras I’m asking him to give up. I struggle to clear the fog of self doubt, while I acknowledging that Chris’s worries are valid. Can we find solutions to these problems or am I watching my dreams go up in smoke? I crave the absence of electronic hum as well as the servitude of our current life. It is FEAR, but do I fear moving forward or fear falling back into the abyss of this consumerism. I feel my chest tighten and try to focus on deep, slow breaths. It’s like a drug that you’re not sure you can live without. Maybe that’s what I truly fear….my own self control. Chris suggests a longer integration period. I don’t work like that. Just stop consuming and keep walking. Don’t look back, or you’ll regret what you left behind. Maybe you’ll miss the broken chair you always wanted to fix, the pair of shoes that your never got to wear, or even the tv.

Separating trash from treasure that’s the stage we’re at. I hauled 6 large trash bags full of clothes plus a box of dishes to the swap shop this weekend. It doesn’t even feel like I put a dent. I am desperately trying to stay in the present while planing for the future. What do I, we the boys need? Is it more than I want it to be or can adjustments be made? There is so much to absorb and deflect all at the same time! Chris fears by jumping in too fast, we will become frustrated and take it out on one another. Instead of having more time, will there be less. I fear being sucked back in to meaningless rat race. That all being said I am sure of one thing.

I love my husband and am extremely thankful that he is a patient and loving man. We are going to need lots of that! Stretch and breathe. This is my journey. This is my lesson. I will show up, sit at the front of the class and take notes.